Can't quite bring myself to use the term "mom" to apply to myself yet. I don't know if it is because I associate that word with women who thrive on all things baby/kid related, who are now referred to as "so and so's mom", who are uber knowledgeable about everything from baby poop to baby books, or who can't talk about anything else. Whatever it is I am not really embracing the term. Although I did catch myself and STOPPED myself mid-conversation at a restaurant discussing breastmilk with Ryan and two other women. I did in that moment think, "oh no, I'm one of those people." So instead I'm a lady with a baby. He's my favorite accessory.
In all honesty after 2 months I am still adjusting to this new gig. I knew it was going to be a 24/7 job but after living it, I now KNOW it is a 24/7 job. I don't get a day off. I have found myself envious for a moment of friends who have a Saturday off...a whole day off...what?! Ryan has been great and as soon as he gets home he jumps right in to help out. I really couldn't do it without him. I can't believe what even a half hour out of the house does to renew my spirit. Let me out to tan and I come back a better woman. Don't get me wrong. I love my little guy and I wouldn't change our situation but I need a moment to myself, a little time off if you will to recharge my batteries. Another reality check is that if Ryan makes plans to do something like watch the Super Bowl or sheetrock in the basement or whatever it may be it also locks in my plans...I am on baby duty. I realized this after two back to back weekends of sheetrocking in the basement. I had been making some general plans in my head of what I had wanted to do/accomplish on those Saturdays and then realized that it isn't possible for both of us to dedicate time to baby-free projects on the same day. One of us will need to be with Hudson...all the time. While this might seem obvious, the gravity of this reality is a little heavier than I had anticipated. And one more thing...we can't figure out how to eat dinner together. So Ryan gets home from work and is hungry. I start fixing dinner while he spends some time with Hudson and begins to get him ready for bed. Well going to bed can take 15 minutes or 3 hours so I end up eating the food right after it is done so that I can run up to relieve Ryan to go reheat his dinner and eat. Then it is 9:00 and we just decide to go to sleep. So here I am in a foggy transition between life as I knew it and life as it is now. And trying to figure out how not to lose myself in the process, and to grow my relationship with Ryan, and give Hudson what he needs, and maintain order in my house, and to not forget about my Mavie, and, and, and...that's where I'm at.
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6 comments:
totally been there. it's much harder than expected...even with all the warnings!! it gets easier although each stage has its own set of challenges and rewards. we got to a point, right where you guys are, that jason literally had to feed me which is not easy when all you have time for is cereal!! right now Will is 5 months and is finally starting to entertain himself while we eat dinner. bath and bedtime routine takes total of 30 minutes where it used to be an all night affair. hang in there, tiff.
oh, what has recently been our saving grace....bjorn baby carrier. incredible purchase!!
You're right, having a baby CHANGES YOUR LIFE! I'm sure you guys are doing wonderful. :)
I've dealt with the tension between "losing myself" and adjusting to a new norm. You're right, it's a hard balance! I'm learning that it's okay to let it change me, to in essence "lose myself". I think what I'm losing myself to is a better person. Hopefully, I'm a different person with different values than I had pre-kids.
Love you friend!
Erika
You are and have always been an incredible mutli-tasker..You can do it! Welcome to "lady with a babyhood!" Add about 4 more!
Don't be ridiculous Brianne! One is enough.
Great honest thoughts, Tiff. Thanks for sharing where you are. It's a tough transition, without a doubt!
Not that I have a lot to weigh in on this topic, but I love your honesty.
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